HERE COMES THE STORM

I'm at a loss for words.

2010-09-16T11:51:00.002-05:00

I'm so back and forth, flip and flop about this whole "situation". It's as though I just ripped a band-aid off a very fresh healing wound.. good job Lyndsay. As of lately I have been over thinking every action I and the people around me make, someone make sense of all this. I've now been living in Winnipeg for 6 months .. HALF A YEAR. How in the hell did I last half a year here and how am I going to last another however long I am here; someone just pick me up and take me home. /i wish

see yeah later summer, maybe we'll get along better next year.

but how am i supposed to believe you

2010-09-01T13:20:00.002-05:00

How is it that today is September 1st of 2010? Makes no sense to me at all, where did my summer go? I am overwhelmed with different emotions lately some of which make me feel slightly uncomfortable. This whole living on my own thing is going pretty good so far except for the fact that I'm always super broke which is never a good sign, especially when I haven't "bought" new clothes in forever.. should probably hit up some malls soon. In the back of my head I have a lot of doubt and questions about everything but i'll let it drift from one side to the other until my head is clear./ no trust.

I'm bored and have to work in about an hour.. so not looking forward to another day in that place although I had some pretty delicious sushi today which always means I'm going to have a good day, now if only I could nap for a few hours..... YAWN

do you feel safe yet?

i'm leaving my fingerprints, leaving you my legacy

2010-08-22T21:31:00.002-05:00

It's not been 10 days since I have moved into my humble little one bedroom apartment and I couldn't be happier. Things are pretty lonely when you live alone and don't have a TV not that I would watch one if I had it. I had the most eventful, crazy, out of this world weekend and it will not be repeated ever. I would also like to say a big FUCK YOU to Wasabi sushi for having such delicious tasting sushi but trying to charge an arm and a leg for cream cheese and teriyaki sauce.

There's a stranger in my bed, There's a pounding in my head
Glitter all over the room, Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar, DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbies on the barbecue, Is this a hickey or a bruise?

Last Friday Night
Yeah, we danced on table tops, and we took too many shots
Think we kissed, but I forgot, Last Friday Night
Yeah, we maxed our credit cards, got kicked out of the bars
So we hit the boulevard.. Last Friday night

i just wanna run, throw it away.

2010-08-08T00:00:00.002-05:00

It's really weird how much you hear when you just stop talking for a minute. The past couple of weeks the topic of conversation hasn't changed much which has made me begin to think is it me who's crazy or everyone around me. I hate familiar things because that only means I'm becoming settled and comfortable and both those two things aren't me... I've taken a step back from the circle and also realized how loud and obnoxious some people can be yet I don't even care (besides the fact that I'm annoyed). I think its time to get down to business and hope for the best. [HOLY FUCK IT NEVER STOPS]

I'm also finally moving out/half moved in. Going to be living in the Village, hello adult life and responsibilities. I think I'm trying to grow up too fast and need to take things down a notch but you just fucking annoy me so I am trying to prove you wrong and be nothing like you. Not so bitter sweet now is it?

Counting down the days till I get to see two of my best friends/babes/boys from Vancouver, August 14th come sooner love love love.

I'm going to go to bed now I think, "date" tomorrow.. this could be interesting. Don't call or text me anymore till you figure out your issues also. I also forgot to add how much fun I've been having with the loveliest lady (meaghan) lately and cant wait for more late night bike rides to come and to my other favorites who have been feeling down lately; I love you all to bits and pieces. CHEER UP!

you build me up just to watch me fall apart

2010-07-22T11:46:00.002-05:00

This routine is starting to drive me crazy. I've always wanted stability and structure and now that I have it I am going mental. It seems as though everyday I wake up hoping its Friday because from Friday to Sunday are the only days that involve spontaneous decisions. I've never felt so trapped in my life and it might have something to do with the fact that I've been in the same spot for the for the past 4 months; if I could I would be on a plane back to Vancouver in a heartbeat, don't think I'm running away from my problems because as of right now I don't think I have any.. just need change and to see the people I miss dearly. I'm also tired to "people" taking things way to seriously and creating awkward vibes, NOT INTO IT.

"she said don't leave me alone tonight, she spoke with intoxicating eyes
she said don't leave me alone tonight, she spoke with intoxicated eyes"
Your getting the best of the worst of the both of us.

drunken words are so convincing but so is the truth
ill never love you but ill still respect you

i'm going to smoke some marijuana now and hope my brain doesn't explode before work.

2010-07-05T23:55:00.003-05:00

Monday.. really? I actually forgot I had a job and responsibilities after this wonderful four day weekend we just had. This weekend was slow and sober and I don't quite know why. Me and "the Captain" are/were? on break I think we'll see what this week bring because my mouth is dry. I've been lusting over this jean body suit but its so beautiful and I need some extra funds to purchase. Anyways sitting here on my couch at 12:02am Tuesday July 06 2010 .. which makes it 3 days closer to the weekend.

- - - -
super empty and alone but enjoying ones own company.
i have really begun to like the silence of my apartment.

you can come out anytime, getting kinda bored thinking about waiting around.

THEY NEED TO STOP PLAYING TIK TOK ON HOT 93 OR WHATEVER THAT STATION IN. IN A 7.5 HOUR WORK SHIFT I HAD TO HEAR TIK TOK - K$SHA 9 TIMES.. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE AHHHHHHHHHH.,

you make me wanna die

2010-06-29T11:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Monday and I got drunk .. luckily I didn't wake up this morning with the hangover I had expected and thank god for milk being my cure for everything and the lemon lime gatorade I apparently drank in my sleep. It's nearly July 1st which means Canada day is just around the corner which means more drinking and partying (sorry liver and kidneys) ...

I'm going to be finding out about an apartment in Osborne sometime this week and once again my fingers are crossed but I am not getting my hopes up for anything as that kind of shit is always on edge .. none the less I cant wait to live on my own/+ with mitch and play video games and smoke joints all night after work and then a kitty will come.

I've also been doing some online window shopping which will turn to online shopping on Friday when I get paid, it's summer and I need some new threads because the shit I have just aint cuttin it la de da hello FOREVER21 AND WASTED YOUTH tee you will soon be mine.

Take me im alive, never was a girl with a wicked mind but everything looks better, when the sun goes down...

Quick update on the "LL" .. it's pretty non-existent lately but you still aint getting any satisfaction from me asshole. GROW UP AND BLOW AWAY.

never changing who i am

2010-06-22T09:10:00.002-05:00

everything will be easier from now on. no more whining, complaining and feeling awkward. This city is way too small to fret about one stupid person in it and on that note ... DONE!! + wasn't it ironic

Its Tuesday which means I'm almost at my half way mark for the mid-weekend; Wednesdays have been getting more drunk and more weird every weekend but with some new ladies to get rowdy with it as well it seems like I could meet some nice people this Summer(HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SUMMER YESTERDAY JUNE 21/2010) Okay time to go back to updating my iPhone and learning it sorta all over again.

Get wasted on Wednesdays everyone lovelovelove.
ps untitled notes not written for you
+ buy some stupid Hedley tickets for me I don't want them!!

Untitled.

2010-06-13T14:41:00.002-05:00

Another week has come and gone.. glad this ones over. My body went into hibernation mode on Friday evening and also continued onto Saturday which lead me to doing nothing Saturday night. Wicked Wednesdays were rad as always and then Thursday rolled around and some lovely ladies introduced me to thirsty Thursdays which now leads me to believe the weekday can be more interesting the the weekends. Highlight of my Sunday is the nice carton of Parliament cigarettes sitting in front of me, love you dad.

I'm retreating back in my head, and being surrounded by the loneliness, its going to be difficult to bring me out once I'm trapped.

i took for granted what you do

2010-06-08T00:25:00.002-05:00

The weekends seem to be getting shorter and shorts and the months/days seem to be going faster and faster. I really hope this Summer doesn't fly by because there are a few things I hope to accomplish before the end of it. I've been so busy lately I slacked on the blogging -myBAD- anyways ...

this city never shuts up

guilty of the crime too, i know ...

it's time to find more trusting "friends" or start a diary that I can write all my secrets in.

when will this bittersweet taste FUCK OFF.

the city that never sleeps

2010-05-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

Probably the most hectic weekend i've had since moving. That 60 of captain morgans didn't last as long as I hoped but it sure did bring some interesting nights. I'll be seeing Marianna tomorrow and I couldn't be more exciting besides the fact that I think she will think I am a bit insane. It's 10:00 am and less then 6 hours ago I was just closing my eyes trying to fall asleep.

+ no hangover this morning due to water, tylenol and showering.

+ no bruises and regrets

- i really need to clean my apartment

+/- DOWNGRADE .. legit

is tomorrow actually Monday? does that mean I have to work for the next 5 days .. kill me now

untitled

2010-05-20T10:19:00.003-05:00

real life has just started and it already sucks; Monday - Friday 2:30 pm - 10:00 pm and REPEAT. I wonder how long i'll last but I'm not going into it thinking negatively. Wednesday was yesterday and it was another almost indescribable night; and by almost I mean nobody pours beer on my best friends head and is going to get away with it. ++ it was so lovely getting to see the boys of doom cannon once again although now that they are gone that means I don't get to see them for almost 3 months not cool at all. safe trip back to rain city boys !

I'm also bitter sweet still and cant even believe you, just one more week and i'll be cool agin but in the meantime i'll continue to write hate notes to the government about nothing. empty thoughts all because of you.. real smooth.

-- hermit mode is going to take full affect this coming Monday at least for a few that that is. I'm just so beat/exhausted/overwhelmed I feel the city is going to chew me up and spit me out sooner then later so I'm thinking June 1st fresh clean slate for the summer no more past thoughts or complications.

SO DONE WITH THE BULLSHIT.

June 5th is my lovely best friend Marianna's birthday, come party at mystique.

your hair has never looked so good you bitch

2010-05-15T11:53:00.002-05:00

Wednesdays and Fridays always seem to be the messiest. This friday in particular I landed my self a nice 6 hour stay at the hospital .. hello dilaudid and gravol it defiantly eased the pain of my kidneys and now I'm good to go for today besides the fact that I am not going to work after falling off Bee's deck and having the craziest lumpy looking leg + majority bruised.

I've also been thinking about how I need to stop worrying about running away back home; just because I encounter pain and hurt doesn't mean home will be any different. It's time to get things right for once. No more playing games I don't want to deal with that kind of bullshit.

also the saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" really applies to me, but what was I to expect I should have known better then to second chance anything. not even fuck you just... thanks for the headache !

oh boy i think it's time to hop in the shower and do the daily things. i am so broke this also needs to be fixed asap// peace & love .. NOT

i'm not sold on this situation

2010-05-12T08:53:00.002-05:00

drinks last night with my lovelies was wonderful and comfortable (there is that word again). I couldn't be more thrilled on it being Wicked Wednesday either because I have a few flasks filled with some happy juice calling me. I could continues to babble but my brain hurts and I'm alone.

- Your attitude sucks and your exactly like I expected.

- On to the next one and I would usually say ...

- Your voice continues to give my head a headache often.

/enjoys sleeping alone+comfortable

on the plus side of everything right now Marianna is coming to visit me in a few weeks; in the mean time this unwanted-boring drama needs to piss off. // I just remembered I missed gossip girl on Monday time to catch up right now.

FUCK YOU

kidding

FUCK YOU

its a war in the bedroom baby

2010-05-08T15:57:00.002-05:00

Day number 472394 of sore throat and aching back.. not to stoked on my failing immune system. Last night was the laziest Friday I have had in so long I'm pretty sure it was also the most comfortable;

com·fort·a·ble

adj.

1. Providing physical comfort

2. Free from stress or anxiety; at ease

3. Producing feelings of ease or security

I need to do some major window shopping and by that I mean many other things but I need some new threads because I'm bored of mine and I hate being bored of things. NOTE TO SELF: DON'T GET BORED. I think today is going to have to be downtime day one, I work Monday - Wednesday which is the best idea for everything.

I'm talking and nothing is making sense so END.

-- - - - - / / / I hope you know what your getting your self into because I don't even think I do.

my head is spinning and my eyes are smeared with black makeup.

YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR GETTING YOUR SELF INTO.

keep digging the hole and i'll keep marking x's on the notepad.

absent minded

2010-05-05T02:34:00.002-05:00

no more doubts, no more fears

only because i live off the thrill of pretending

feeling so free never felt so good. today is the first night I will be sleeping alone

in over two weeks .. thats crazy but not really because while living in LANGLEY

i spent almost every waking minute at Mariannas. I still have "DON'T ANSWER"

in my phone because I question my mind sometimes and like to play with temptation

//is that really wrong you guys? It's nearly 3:00 and i'm stoned out of my tree.

good night assholes ++

so good.

meet in the bathroom, take my clothes off, make love to me up against a dirty wall;

cause i cant wait to get you, wait to get you.

la la la de la la la

hello alcoholic

2010-05-01T16:48:00.002-05:00

I was just about to blog about how I feel as though I've turned over a new leaf but not smoking as much pot as I was doing back in the West then I looked in the mirror and remembered I was hungover... ouch/ and just as I write that Bee texts me telling me she's getting some more Captain ASSHOLE ... FUCK THAT GUY.

either way next week I think I'm going to give the kidney and liver a little break /////

I also feel as though I am in so much debt even though I'm not and shouldn't be stressing .. I also have a job now so I'm down for making some skrilla. stoooooked.

you've also been saying all the right things and i'm pretty impressed but there is doubt lots of doubt in the back of my mind... especially when I still have this fucking idiot clinging on for his dear life and I hope if your reading this you get the hint that there will never be an us, ASSHOLE.

ps/

the downfall of us all

2010-04-22T15:26:00.002-05:00

I've only been in the city for 8 days and I have drank/smoked more then I have in month it's awful. My throat is pretty shot due to the smoke inhalation and 4/20 events that went on. Still no apartment but tomorrow I'm going to drop off the application so fingers and toes crossed guys. I also have been really digging the weather and how its been at least 20+ since I have been in.. defiantly cant complain.

+++

I'm trying to wrap my head around the whole idea of you but I have so many doubts probably because I know nothing about you and that really needs to change before anything happens. it's all about trust. your cute none the less.

keep telling your self that

2010-04-11T23:19:00.002-05:00

i can already see where this is going.

my pulling away wont help but you'll learn quick,

too much on my mind and too much to worry about as it is.

this weekeend rocked. vapor lounge x2 days in a row was awesome.

i haven't been this high in awhile and i like the numb feeling only

because when I feel numb I don't think about the no trust.

I'm also getting really excited to apply for school again in a few month.

I haven't learned anything new in awhile and school keeps my brain active.

oh and to you. get over it, move on, i do not like you.

nothing will ever come of us and you just need to realize

you fucked up one to many times 3 stikes and your out

i'm not sorry anymore you were so fucking stupid.

OVER IT.

she never saw it coming, that dream was all wrong.

2010-04-09T01:07:00.002-05:00

it's an hour to midnight which means in an hour till friday, an hour until payday and then 4 days until I hit the road and once again I have only packed one box but my mother brought some boxes

home today so Ill start on that tomorrow. marijuana isn't really kicking it for me lately maybe i'll take up something like instead of smoking weed i'll write // doubt thats going to happen./

ANYWAYS I come across this

i'm sorry to all the vegans and veggies out there but this looks so disgustingly amazing ahhh.

but then again it's probably only going to be sold in the states because people in Canada/Government don't want us getting fat.

ps.

nerves are freaking breaking.

don't expect me to be beside you

2010-04-08T10:55:00.003-05:00

1.)

Also as the closer my move date approaches the knots in my stomach become tighter. I'm not sure if thats a good sign or if it's trying to tell me something but I'm not going to listen to my stomach right now also the fact that it may still snow once I get there frightens me because my body/wardrobe do not handle snow well. I'm going to stop ranting in blogs and want to like start painting or something that keeps my mind active because all this dOoPe is dumbing me down. time to get ready for the day.

hugs & more hugs.

its not you its me actually its ALL YOU

2010-04-06T02:57:00.002-05:00

This is the third time today I have burnt out/ that should tell me something shouldn't it. The countdown is now in the single digits which means it's coming faster then I expected. I AM NERVOUS AND SCARED AND EXCITED. I cant wait to see my girls when I get into the City and just drink the night away although after a 2 day bus ride I doubt I'll be very functional.

on the + / - side
+ these knots in my stomach from you
- i'm not into it right now so i don't know why i'm pretending
- i haven't even begun packing
+ no eating past 6am
- closet doesn't seem to be growing lately.
++ you are just the sweetest thing ♥

also more news about the looking into places,

my lovely friend is considering getting into a 3/BR place; the open house is this Saturday so shes going to check it out

I have my fingers crossed and think it would be soooo rad to live with her and mitch. ROOMIES ahhhh

i think it's time for me to go to bed now anways the black circles under my eyes wont go away by them selves.

night.

love 2 hate u

this time baby i'll be bullet proof

2010-03-27T18:21:00.001-05:00

don't forget it either.

do do do your dirty work

2010-03-27T15:32:00.002-05:00

va-cay-tion <3

the stress is on and the time is ticking.
my moving date couldn't be coming any faster and i couldn't be any broker
loan and new job should be exciting and living on my own could be any more scary
by on my own i mean with my awesome roomate who sucks at answering his phone.

also nation pot smoking day is around the corner. this is going to be year 2 with Terra!!

lost lost lost lost

2010-03-22T03:36:00.003-05:00

refer to title

lost lost lost lost lost
this is all so confusing and makes no sense.
not only do i feel like i betrayed someone i feel like i let myself down.
i did nothing wrong but at the same time it feels like i did everything.

I'm still trying to get together in my head now this is all going to
work in 3 weeks either way i'm going and not going to look back it's going
to be a new start and new better judgement calls accompanied with sealed lips.

I also have to recommend everyone reading this to check out
http://www.myspace.com/lowlevelflight

we met these boys just recently at our hotel and not only are they some of
the nicest guys I have ever met but they make music that is ear sex. lovelove

anyways I'm rambling on and am so tired.
this stress needs to fuck right off.

night

how the hell am i supposed to blog when ...

2010-03-17T01:19:00.003-05:00

... blogspot is in Spanish, thank god I know this side without having to read it.

I'm stoked on american cigarettes and warm weather but I'm home sick already.

xoxox

ps.

stressing like crazy still
(i should probably stop looking at online banking everyday
seeing that credit card being $350.00 UGHGUGHGUG)

stress,vacation,stress,stress.

current lusts

2010-03-15T13:57:00.002-05:00

/figures it would be apartment decor

(thank you UO and MODCLOTH)

^ obviously essential for living in Winnipeg

^ another great essential as I would be looking down to put on my shoes and
have a LARGE reminder to grab the most important things.

2010-03-12T22:48:00.001-06:00

"come home"

one month

oh and fuck yeah cancun tuesday asdfkjhalsd

this would be so good right now

2010-03-09T01:49:00.001-06:00

every entry is about fucking stress. now there is always something added on, FUCK.

mmm someone bake me cinnamon buns when i get into the city please.

dont think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

2010-03-01T16:53:00.002-06:00

my head is spinning with thoughts and worried. i'm stressed out and not thinking straight, it's also very cold in my room and i'm not wearing pants so I should probably put some on.

STRESS STRESS STRESS

It's only been one month since I was last in Winnipeg and it feels like i've been gone for a century. I miss so much and I feel so

sufforcated out here. Anyways I have to make a credit card payment today since I've already racked that up almost to my limit

and I need a job that gives me lots of hours and shit lots of looking to do when I get back from my trip with Marianna.

ps.

so nervous

OH AND I CANT STOP LISTENING TO .. hollywood undead - california

personal use/list making

2010-02-27T14:17:00.003-06:00

I need to start making some serious lists as to what I am brining, what i am being given and so on.

Bed - Grandmother

Towels - Grandmother

Book shelf - Dad

Mirror for bedroom - Michelle

Couches - Mitch

KITCHEN

6 mugs - michelle

2 glasses - michelle

grill - michelle

lots of little plates, medium plates, big plates - michelle

bowls - michelle

toaster - michelle

cutlery - Grandmother

first grocery list

Basics: flour, sugar, liquid oil, coffee, tea bags, baking soda, baking powder, condiments(mayo, ketchup, mustard), barbeque sauce, parmesan cheese, honey mustard sauce, honey,

Pantry: alfredo sauce, pastas, cereal, rice, cookies, chips, powdered drinks, pancake mix

Spices: salt, pepper, garlic powder, seasoned salt, cinnamon

Fridge: eggs, milk, cheese (grated and sliced), sour cream, bottled water, butter, soya sauce, cream cheese, tortillas,

Freezer: pizzas, veggies, frozen blueberries, hash-browns, french fries, chicken breasts

Fresh: bread, potatoes, fruit, bagels

Cleaning supplies: bleach, laundry soap, dish soap, papertowels, broom, mop, fabreez

moving on out

2010-02-26T14:50:00.003-06:00

needing to get some essentials but I found exactly what I have been looking for. going to be placing this lovely wall paper up that way I don't have to/want to paint.

anyways I also cant stop thinking about the essentials.

tylonal

shampoo

conditioner

mop

cleaning products

soap

garbage bags

light bulbs

coffee maker

FOOOD.

shower curtains

ziploc bags

toilet paper/rolls

the list never ends. exciting and nervous omg.

untitled

2010-02-24T02:28:00.002-06:00

this could be interesting. so excited.

new tattoo not posting a picture because it is being added to in about a week.

this is week.

i sorta miss you so stop being such a douche and get over it.

no sleep is not for the weak

2010-02-21T08:52:00.002-06:00

it's for the people who want to feel sane. \\

//Nearly 7:00am and uncomfortable/cold I cant fall asleep.. on one hand I knew this would happen, no more sleeping at peoples houses not in beds without pillows or blankets. I have had a total of 8 hours of sleep in two days for unknown reason. I think it might be due to the fact sleeping pills and high pain medication put me to bed in the hospital for the past week.

need sleep, need sleep, need sleep
need sleep, need sleep, need sleep
need sleep, need sleep, need sleep
need sleep, need sleep, need sleep

Oh and now the sun is rising as I can see it through the curtains. It gives me an uneasy, anxious feeling being awake when the comes up.. it's as though the day has never ended and only two hours till I get to go home into my own bed. I really need that right now. Another pain/dislike right now is this cramp in my ankle; feels like some odd growing pain but I doubt its that.

ps. i missed the first sunday secrets (@postsecret) last Sunday, first time since I can remember.

++ i didn't deserve that but i know you'll get a second chance. maybemaybeNOmaybe?

no more hospital visits

2010-02-20T04:01:00.003-06:00

i refuse to ever go to the hospital again.
after a 6 day visit, and a 8 pound weight loss I am happy to say I am feeling good again. Last Saturday night I ended up in the stupid emergency room again.. I wont get into it because I don't even understand what the fuck is wrong with me but I have some up coming tests in the next few weeks and luckily I'm not fired even though it's never bad to keep your eyes peeled for other things.

^ the above was given to me on Valentines day by Momo and it sure did come in handy when I was finally off the liquid diet in the hospital.

ANYWAYS I hate to say it so I wont but I'm ready to do this now and am thinking about it 24/7 .. stoked, Wanna understand my rare condition also called Henoch-Schonlein Purpura.. or HSP look it up I don't feel like explaining it once again. Either way I'm bummed but I'm not going to sit here and cry about it health comes first which it's also 8 days without smoking I'm going to see how long I can go and maybe just quit. Back to work Sunday is going to suck.

I'M GOING TO BED IT'S PAST 2:00AM FUCK.
night bloggers.

dislike dislike like dislike

2010-02-12T02:42:00.003-06:00

i went and watched Dear John this evening with Marianna being such a late movie and me being very burnt out I almost fell asleep none the less it was awesome and cute for a cheesy total chick flick. I'm counting down the days i've been away and it's making me feel more pathetic, worried and exhausted everyday. Work is just another place to be

distracted and think about what I'm missing. I think on my next day off which is .. four days away I'm going to finally tackle my room and clean it like i've been meaning too since I retuned back from Winnipeg and also have to make some phone calls to college's and figure out when class dates are starting.

Cancun is just over a month away and I cant wait to lay on the beach and just let me mind wander but once again when I get back from another "vacation" it's time to actually save and we all know what for. Oh and my ear is so irritated with a stupid plastic tapper in it I need to buy tunnels right away. I have two things to look forward to in the next few days which are credit card TOMORROW + tattoo Tuesday ♥

I'm going to bed now.

ps.

don't forget/replace me k assholes ?

this isn't what it looks like

2010-02-10T03:24:00.002-06:00

That stupid saying "you don't realize what you have until it's gone" has bitten me in the ass for the last time.

I wont continue to be bored and bitch about being bored. Until the Summer I will be productive and active.

Lately though I have been thinking that the marijuana use could be contributing for my careless behavior...

either way I'm sleeping in till noon tomorrow since it's my only day off for the next 5 DEADLY!!!!

it's pathetic when thats the only form of excitement and thrill I have had since I returned "home"

...

2010-02-05T17:59:00.001-06:00

i hate missing out on things

I REALLY hate missing out on things

vacation soon

2010-02-05T00:14:00.001-06:00

going to cancun next month.

beautiful new bathing suit ... uhhhh YES!

currently lusting over:

2010-02-01T16:01:00.002-06:00

I've been in the mood for body suits and rompers ever since I got back from Winnipeg probably because I can sorta get away with wearing them already in Vancouver. I tried to step out of my shell and away from black but I failed, maybe next time.

I have never been a fan or ever paid attention to peep toe shoes but these are just 2 die for/ and with my aldo discount i'll have these babies in no time.

and HELLO VELVET BODY SUIT !

2010-01-29T15:28:00.001-06:00

its friday which means its time to get messy.
love you and miss you.
wouldn't wanna be you though ;)

she was so shy until i drove on by

2010-01-28T16:54:00.001-06:00

and just like that she was gone again.

wow i suck :(

2010-01-27T00:33:00.002-06:00

let's begin by saying what a fuck up i can be. no regrets just bad judgement calls.

lately i have been having a shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach and its leading to some awkward tension in my bones

i also recently watched lovely bones and was impressed but disappointed at the same time.. maybe i should read the book?

also your skin was soft and made me wonder if you use some kind of lotion if you do you should let me know which kind because I would like to use it.

I'm sorry again. I feel terrible because I know it's terrible.

I'm going to miss you when I'm gone, maybe we'll see what happens later right?

I think its time too take a step back and realize there is only so many times the slate will be wiped clean.

YOUR A FUCKER

2010-01-27T00:30:00.002-06:00

you are welcome to come into my life anytime you would like ♥ !!

Hellooooooooo, who are you!

your secrets aren't safe anymore

2010-01-24T17:06:00.003-06:00

The weekend is finally coming to an end and after endless vodka and orange juice's I can say I am beat! I cant even begin to describe how stupid I was this weekend but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I leave back to rain city on Thursday and couldn't be more thrilled yet sad at the same time, it's time to buckle down and start working my ass off and save. Cant wait to see Momo and watch teen mom either.

I had a great time with Ll this weekend also but it seems as though when ever we are together trouble has no problem finding us and fuckers continue to swarm. love hate love

Aside from my boring rant I am actually not lusting over anything particular lately aside from love and affection.

++ favorite secrets of this Sundays set for your viewing pleasure

2010-01-22T14:41:00.001-06:00

over it.

2010-01-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

listen to this. amazing.

blog blog blog blog blog

2010-01-17T01:32:00.002-06:00

Due to the amount of fun I have been having I extend my visit to Winnipeg and will be here an additional 7 days on top of the days I already had left. Way 2 much boy talk for my liking lately also aside from me loving them.

Being broke life is also PRETTY LAME, especially when all you want is a yam tempura roll and bong rips but thank god for my lovely girl Terra heading over here shortly. My kidneys are hurting today and I am going to have to say its from the excessive drinking that happened last night. FUUUUCK.

oh yeah and i absolutely hate when a guy pulls "douche bag" like number one pet peeve. HA

here is a post into the future

2010-01-15T15:49:00.002-06:00

why do i always get myself into situations that SUCK.

numb

2010-01-12T23:34:00.003-06:00

When will a girl ever feel settled. I have once again changed my goal path for this year but I think I like the sounds of the one I currently have. I hate that I am on vacation and all I am once again worried about is finding a god damn FULL-TIME job once I get back to Langhole. I smoke too much weed I think and my brain is not seeming to function properly when I am not high so I think I'm going to cut down on the weed smoking once I also return home and start going to le gym more since Summer is already quickly approaching. Today I also had an encounter with a familiar face of my past and by past I mean the boy of the Summer not only did I not feel what I thought I would but I didn't feel comfortable. It really sucks when you cant feel comfortable you spent almost everyday with for two months; I think if we had a couch and some of his stupid movies that I love to hate ♥ we would have been fine actually everything would have been fine if you would have just held me and kissed my head and told me you were sorry one more time. Enough stupid writing. I love this city but the night life is almost too much to handle. I need sleep !!

2010-01-10T21:23:00.002-06:00

no more chances, i'm bored.

don't cry out

2010-01-08T22:31:00.002-06:00

should not be blogging right now far to stoned to move.

I ate sushi twice today and my hangover lasted nearly all day.

L and I grabbed hot chocolate and the best donut and now i'm going to take a nap

it's cold out too cold to look decenttt,

sunday secrets never looked so good

2010-01-04T11:42:00.002-06:00

January 4th 2010:

At this time tomorrow morning I will be in the airport of Calgary awaiting my flight to Winnipeg at which time I hope to be sitting in one of the restaurants sipping on a vodkalime. This is going to be the last "free for all vacation" I will be having until Sumer approaches so I am going to try and make the best of it. Once I return home near the end of the month it's time to apply for full-time jobs and apply for school on top of making the decisions of if I'm moving back 100%. I am also concerned about my health as it's been complete shit lately and I've decided either I'm going to die soon or my body is trying to tell me something. Aside from all that rambling I have been pretty content with myself and surroundings lately besides the fact that I am still NOT strong enough to cut you completely out but the day will come I can feel it. I'm also going to incorporate my favorite secret from this weeks set on post secret; enjoy!

"you don't have to call anymore i wont pick up the phone, this is the last straw don't wanna hurt anymore and you can tell me that your sorry but i don't believe you baby like i did before, you're not sorry .. anymore"

two thousand ten

2010-01-01T04:09:00.001-06:00

happy new years !

2009-12-28T14:24:00.002-06:00

everyone was right and now I'm left here in the dark almost alone.
no more chances. i am done.

you're hiding something; i can feel it in my bones

2009-12-27T12:19:00.001-06:00

2009-12-20T23:35:00.003-06:00

i am so done with this mainly because i hate secrets and confusion

on a lighter happier note; 16 days ♥ come faster

2009-12-18T21:36:00.000-06:00

I'm sort of at a loss for words lately.
My mind is trying to juggle something impossible.
This feeling should fade soon,
I'm crossing my fingers on it.

you'll never guess what i'm thinking

2009-12-17T19:29:00.002-06:00

the countdown to my little vacation although I wouldn't call leaving a warm place to go somewhere cold a vacation. Just under three weeks until I'm heading there and boy am I filled with excitement. This weeks been delightful and surprising. Christmas shopping is all done and I even bought myself some new things. I've also been feeling really distant lately and I have a feeling you are SO bored with me let me know if that feelings correct please and thank you. I'm rambling on and should be getting ready. lovely night everyone.

2009-12-15T21:02:00.002-06:00

i don't like you like that anymore and i finally feel free.

scratch that free part i'm still stuck convincing everyone around
me this is how i feel except now you guys know i've been lying this
whole time

i just felt i needed something to talk about since my life has been so boring lately

and this time i'm not sorry ;]

how ironic

2009-12-13T12:26:00.002-06:00

postsecret this Sunday related to me more then most weeks.
12 days till Christmas

2009-12-12T17:02:00.000-06:00

broken hearts and broken glass

2009-12-11T23:56:00.002-06:00

Today was such a lovely day which included a new but small tattoo and watching my best friend get her first tattoo; I think my hand is still sore from her squeezing of it. I got a semi-decent sized anchor on my left chest area which I'm hoping with go great with the Octopus I'm getting next Saturday. The tattoo artist was awesome and really funny and I give him mad props for his skills minus the fact he kept making fun of Langley.. After the tattoos Marianna and I ventured to Metro Town for some Christmas shopping and man is her credit card dangerous. She bought me the loveliest, warmest and my new favorite sweater thing from the best asian clothing store ever. I'm now rambling on and don't like using the blog for that. Christmas is 14 days away, everyone stoked? Who hasn't started their Christmas shopping?!

2009-12-09T09:26:00.000-06:00

so love does come in footwear.
lovelovelove

this is my december

2009-12-01T12:34:00.001-06:00

2009-11-27T12:40:00.000-06:00

as seen on http://marrrina.tumblr.com/

what has come over me

2009-11-25T18:34:00.002-06:00

for your listening pleasure. I'll admit I'm not a lights fan but I cant
but I cant help but smile during this video.

2009-11-25T01:36:00.002-06:00

i need to go to bed. my head is pounding and my eyes are watering.
i'm suffocating here and i need to get out and distract myself.
it really sucks laying here alone with stupid feelings of regret.
i'm not sad but i'm not happy, i just wish it the feeling would leave.

goodnight

lust lust lust lust lust lust

2009-11-23T22:16:00.000-06:00

wishing you the best day

2009-11-23T01:06:00.001-06:00

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TERRA ! <3

2009-11-22T18:59:00.001-06:00

hello winter must haves .. come to me?

2009-11-21T20:26:00.002-06:00

Winter is coming probably a litter sooner then were all expecting and as I glance into my lovely well hung up/semi-organized closet I see.. a LARGE variety of tank tops, tank summer dresses, some tube tops and not enough sweaters and high socks. With the birthday and christmas just around the corner I think I may have to stand back on some of the money asking and possible request some wonderful items that can be purchased online.

i don't even know what to think about these except ... DO WANT

I'm also on the hunt for a semi-wedged black heel bootie what will do well in the winter + me not breaking my neck. Gotta walk before you can run.

you're nothing but ice

2009-11-19T11:32:00.003-06:00

I'm bed ridden for about a week excluding walking around my house while holding my stupid stomach in pain. I cant wait to be able to to shower and run around even though I never run around to begin with. Today is the two week mark until my eighteenth birthday also and I hate sounding like a spoiled bitch but I cant wait for the $$ that I hopefully will be receiving for my birthday due to the fact I need to purchase my bus(hopefully someone in my family will come through with plane) ticket to Winnipeg to see all the lovelies there. I miss Lauren Lee and sitting in fields with her along with everyone else there + matthew and Brittany and walmart trips. Anyways I'm rambling because I'm bored and the T3's are finally kicking in which means I should make my way to the outside and have my first smoke in almost a week and I have american smokes now too which is fun. Pce out

2009-11-18T21:53:00.001-06:00

stupid thing kept me in the hospital for five days.
I'm feeling better after the surgery but i just want to be able to walk fine and
sneeze without pain. I'm tired and this heating pad is way too warm. Bed time.

untitled

2009-11-12T16:58:00.001-06:00

thoughts to remember

2009-11-11T01:48:00.002-06:00

- i just felt the worst feeling in my stomach as though it dropped

- i really hope this weekend is as good as i'm planning for it to be.

- i would love to hate you.

- i would love to love you

- oh and i hate loving you.

.. I sound like some emo whiney bitch who's caught up with someone who deosn't love her, that's not the case guys. This isn't about what you might think it's about and I'm tired or trying to explain myself or things along those lines. I also want a new purse and flats. That was way off topic.

Shut up.

life in a nut shell

2009-11-11T01:43:00.001-06:00

time to save it up

2009-11-09T11:57:00.002-06:00

I need to learn how to save money and by save I don't mean $20.00 here and there, I mean large amounts of money that I earn. I want to travel and move somewhere else for at least a year maybe Montreal or Australia? I have way to many wants, hopes and needs in my head and need to get my priorities straight but I guess I wont do that until I have money saved hmm.

come to me

2009-11-08T17:52:00.000-06:00

hello bag of my dream; where can I find you?

2009-11-08T17:44:00.000-06:00

you promised me a rose garden though

2009-11-07T15:47:00.003-06:00

I don't like thinking about you all the time.. it makes my brain hurt :(

oh and I hate dysfunctional drunk girls and seeing other relationships fail.

Time to stay in bed all day and maybe stream some more movies. LAZY LIFE.

2009-11-07T15:42:00.000-06:00

its just one of those days

2009-11-06T18:27:00.003-06:00

I absolutely can not stand unorganized back rooms, managers who don't know what they are doing and bitchy girls who act like the work place is high school. I've decided I need to turn job hunting into over drive and find a 40 hour/week job because my financial situation sucks. I hate money and trying to figure out how to save it when there is nothing to save.

2009-10-18T11:41:00.001-05:00

2009-10-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

I think I might be happy now.

2009-10-09T10:40:00.001-05:00

could you be anymore right ?

2009-09-27T21:53:00.002-05:00

The good life is back and this time I hope it's here to stay. Come Friday i'll be the owner of a blackberry which means bbm bitches ;) , to be honest I'm more stoked for the planner in it oh how things seem to work in my favor. On top of that fourteen days from now I'll be flying high in the sky once again and moving back to Langley where I plan to be working at Aldo with my best friend. Anyways today is Sunday which means sunday secrets, I've included my favorite from the bunch. Oh and for anyone who hasn't seen Jennifers Body I would recommend not only is Megan Fox smokin you get to see her chow down on some man candy.

Oh and for anyone who hasn't seen Jennifers Body I would recommend not only is Megan Fox smokin you get to see her chow down on some man candy.

2009-09-21T12:52:00.003-05:00

Fall is just around the corner and I'm lacking the proper attire for the season. My closet is screaming out for some of the essentials and with that I have posted some do wants below. Sadly most of the items would need to be purchased online which would require a credit card which I' am lacking due to the fact that my mother felt it be right to have me in 1991.

also I'm super stoked that AA got Helvetica Alphabet T-Shirt with my initials since for some random reason they felt for the longest time to exclude Ll from the alphabet.

just call me later

2009-09-21T12:28:00.002-05:00

It's the first time it's rained in about a week and I really cant tell you how good it hear the drops on the deck, and see the water hit the windows in my room.. reminds me of "home", and by home I mean the home back West, which since I haven't blogged in about a week reminds me that I'm moving back. October 11th 2009 is the big day yet again. I couldn't be more excited and nervous. Moving twice in a year is very overwhelming especially when it's half way across Canada and after this move the next big one will be me moving out into my own place hopefully by January.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about dream and not the kind you have when your asleep but the kind that you wish to come true. I have so many big dreams and high hopes it's so unrealistic yet I refuse to give them up. I want a big house and a good job where I don't have to worry about money. I want a boyfriend (no marriage please) who's successful and is able to manage around my busy schedule. The list goes on with my wants and needs but then reality starts to sink in and I come to realization I'm only seventeen years young and I need to stop rushing my everything yet I refuse to give anything up. I miss life when I was fourteen and the most complicating thing I had to worry about was how I was going to get twenty dollars for the weekend which would buy my pack of smokes and two liter of growers... at least my best friend is still around, some things never change.

oh and I forgot how much social events with stupid amounts of attractive looking people make my heart go crazy and my breathing become limited.. anxiety isn't my favorite thing.

... I'll see not tomorrow but yesterday

yesterday was boring today is better

2009-09-15T14:34:00.001-05:00

made the right choice at least, time to pack up and head back to rain city where the sun seems to be always shinin and the friends never stop caring

the never ending story book

2009-09-12T14:45:00.000-05:00

cheap thrills

2009-09-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

refreshing for once

2009-08-30T18:54:00.002-05:00

I get a feeling of uncomfortableness and insecurity sometimes when I read Sunday Secrets. This Sunday I had a feeling of relief and had a rather big smile on my face as I read them, I really appreciate the Frank Warn and the whole post secret community. Check it out if you haven't already. POSTSECRET <-- LINK !!! who knows maybe you'll get addicted to Sunday secrets too ;)

2009-08-29T18:03:00.001-05:00

you'll be the anchor that keeps me grounded

2009-08-28T11:46:00.003-05:00

I have not had the feeling of the vibrations and needle pressing into the skin leaving a beautiful color/image in almost six months so I'm thinking it's time for something new. I have been reading a lot of peoples reviews on getting there feet tattooed and almost all of them said it was a terrible, painful and sometimes disgusting healing process .. that being said I'm half scared to death. I have a few ideas in mind none the less for my feet and I'm going to man up and get it done for sure with in the next month or so. As you can see in the image above the octopus that spreads onto both feet is so wonderful and if I decided to go with the octopus I will definitely get the artist to tweak the above image with some different twists. My second idea is to get a semi-medium sized picture of alice (alice and wonderland) sitting along at a small table drinking a cup of tea but with her eyes almost looking as though they are popping out of her skull with also semi blood shot eyes and dirt all over her dress, this is a lot to work with and a lot of planning but when push comes to shove it will all HOPEFULLY work out.

2009-08-23T12:49:00.001-05:00

death by forty ounces

2009-08-23T12:35:00.001-05:00

bad news right here folks, pass out at 10 wake up at 7 ..

fall atire is needed

2009-08-21T13:33:00.002-05:00

To be purchased in the near future.

Beauty #1 above: oh CASSELLA how I do adore you and right when I get back to the (204)area I'll be picking up a pair in size 38 colour black and for a mere $65.00, shoe discounts rock.

Beauty #2 below: Hannah Beth inspired look but since fall is almost here I'll be needing some tee's and new tights/spandex and I'm liking the wet look. Also I'm going to dare and try and pull off the faux fur.. wish me luck.

18 days and counting

2009-08-21T13:23:00.002-05:00

I sure hope time doesn't fly by for the next couple of weeks as it did in Winnipeg. I've learnt to appreciate the mountains so much more now that I'm back and the weather is also so wonderful. Seeing old faces and remembering memories as I pass different areas makes me wonder why I left in the first place. I'm sure I left my heart here somewhere.

ps. got my teeth cleaned today, so fresh and so cleaaan.

buy me one of these

2009-08-18T17:33:00.001-05:00